Happy New Year, friends!
I offer fulfilling wishes and earnest hopes for wellbeing for people in the northern and western worlds as they are finding their way through the the cold, dark passages of winter. I honor your challenges and also your ways to experiences of joy and warmth in the heart and soul.
For Pearls in more southern, eastern, or other warmth-based, blossoming, and fruiting places of spring or summer, with the ease of good weather and a sense of greater freedom, I celebrate with you the very welcome goodness that you may be enjoying now!
I never take for granted what will arise for "Pearls" in the celebrations for renewal that many take up at this time of year. Some Pearls can rise to many joyous and hopeful occasions, and others can feel weighed down just as they did any other time of the year. For those friends, I hope that we here, and others elsewhere can offer some understanding and soul-strength patterning that can bolster their journey in 2022.
I enter the coming year with a sense of renewed strengths and also some vulnerabilities.
New Year's time in wintry places is often like this for many different people. It's a good thing to remind ourselves newly, at times of celebrations of yearly renewal and spirit refreshing, that having positive hopes for the future and also, at the same time, some reservations, anxieties, and even deep fears about it are all partly a normal process in the human soul condition. We set our intentions for the good and the positive yet our soul knows that we'll be challenged to grow, change, or experience some suffering along the way, as usual to being human, and we can be kind and compassionate to ourselves about feeling vulnerable and a little reticent.
Remember, getting too caught in thinking far ahead before we've even got the next few steps of the coming weeks figured out can cause us to become out of tune with ourselves and the rhythms of nature, and we can bleed our energies too thin. Better to set some wishes and even some plans in the short term, mid-term, and long-term for the year, then start from the beginning, one calm, mindful step at at time (or for the really young adults or for others whose lives have become too pedantic, maybe a few buzzed-up but rhythmical hip-hop steps at a time).
New Year's celebrations have for a long time, and in many places and traditions, been meant as times of enthusiasm, hope, stating wishes, and also offering gratitudes to others and to higher forces for our well-being. It is also a time of setting intentions for positive growth and goodness with others in the coming year. I hope you remember to do some of this 'ritual' for yourself as well.
I feel this enthusiasm this year, as well as the deeper, inner humility that naturally accompanies most people as we wade into the unknown of a new round of earthly seasons, once again. So, here are some of my offerings for people coming to this FB page to learn and share more about creating support and community for adult children of divorce through the indications of anthroposophy and the "The Pearl and the Hut" book series:
Firstly, blessings to dear "Pearls" and their loved ones far and near, and especially those who might be finding it hard to feel the love just now. (Pearls is the name I use in the book to describe people who grew up and continue to live in the influences of parents who divorced or split up their relationship).
I get how this time of the year can feel alone and cold inwardly at times for Pearls who live in northern climates this time of the year, and also for those who live elsewhere but for whom the social experience of society just feels coolly unwelcoming to Pearls sometimes in their vulnerability.
Secondly, I humbly pray for you to have a sense renewed hope, of inner warmth and acceptance, and for strength, inner gentleness, and also the humble courage to be able to reach out and ask someone safe for connection if you feel sad, anxious, or depressed. I know so many people who know how alienating life can feel for a Pearl sometimes and so many of us who went through some of the hardest experiences of that want you to know that we got through it and found loving connections. And we know that it can be an ongoing process - but we're here in moral and spiritual support for you to know that you can do it!
Lastly, I am grateful for the universal soul-spirit family that we are working slowly and carefully to create for each other. I am grateful for many on social media and also in person who have enlivened a particular kind of warmth and love with me for twelve years since my beloved partner Nick passed! It is a certain kind of universal love that I am working to help others to experience now, a love that can help transform loneliness, alienation or grief into personal relationship love and family love. It's not simplistic, that's why I wrote two books about it to help, but it can truly help if you're willing.
Thus, I reverently set the intention for the best process for all friends in their work toward wholeness and a good mental health and heart journey this year. May a higher force keep truth front and centre in all that you do, as well as bring you strength and integrity to find balance in all that is to come.
What's the image below all about?
I try not to bring too much about my own process because I intend this forum to be about the universally human themes of many Pearls from all different backgrounds, but since this site is in renewal and new to many people and it's a new time in which I am offering these new books, I thought I'd share how I'm coming into 2022.
I have been in a deep, creative expressive arts process this wintry, darkest time of the year. I wish that I could show you here some of the artwork coming out of each night but this is personal process work, something I've not had such a deep ability to do for some time as my focus needed to stay so dedicated to the therapeutic book series on "The Pearl and the Hut". I will keep most of this personal process art away from Facebook and other social media, though I will share more on the website for the book at: www.anthropearl.com.
(I have put a significant amount of personal sharing out to others in the last twelve years, unconditionally, and have experienced a great deal of moral support and love from Pearl friends and anthroposophical workers here and around the world - which I am deeply grateful for. So many people worldwide have wanted to support an initiative to help children and adult children of divorce, in freedom, through anthroposophical soul-psyche indications and practices.)
Creating expressive artwork that is revealed to the artist within us during this time of the year, and when a Pearl has a chance to have their process guided and "held" well, is not expected to be the beauteous, fully balanced artwork for pleasure and enjoyment that some people love to see in a gallery or anywhere else. When we start this work, we may not even think that we have any kind of an inner artist and some might not be sure that they even care about art.
It can however be a very truthful, real process of connecting with the love of one's inner being, since the art is evoked out of conscious and unconscious processing that has been long known to offer therapeutic assistance to people experiencing stress. It can be a deeply welcome experience to get a sense of inner-self knowing. I am always grateful to be guided well in such a process of remembering the core love that I am and always will be, and which is in all human beings when they chose to find that essential nature in themselves.
A good creative expressive art process for healing needs to be offered in a way that the person feels supported to experiment with color and images that show up on their page according to feelings arising in a story or certain prompts, without judgment and in freedom - meaning that the facilitator guides the process but leaves you free with what you come up with.
It is best if it is offered in a steady habit life rhythm, such as the same amount of time to work on the art at the same time every day or week for a stated period of time. The person doing the process is encouraged not to worry if they take a few tries to get into it, or if their rhythm goes awry one or two days in the process. The point is to honor yourself and what you're giving to yourself and come back, come back, come back...
I'll be offering these kinds of mindful, rhythmical, and gently guided processes in 2022 on-line for people wanting to work through some of the content of the "Pearl and the Hut" books.
(These can not be set up as formal therapy because of different legal and professional standards concerns in different countries, states, and provinces. Still, the courses can offer support and hands-on psychoeducation activities around "The Pearl and the Hut" books and also about general creative expressive arts processes that you can take up for yourself or with a friend or a therapist.
Author and course facilitator backgrounder:
I offer online courses based on my master's in transpersonal clinical psychology degree work, and my background and experience in transpersonal clinical counseling in western Canada, as well my training and experience as a qualified Waldorf teacher and as a former public school and alternative school teacher in schools using significant arts and nature integration for learning.
(Waldorf primary schools and high schools are fully arts and nature integrated, with a strong, social-integration pedagogical philosophy centred in the head, heart, and hands. I also have extensive background in theatre, singing and now songwriting, and dance-movement arts, including Five Rhythms dance, as well experience as a playwright. I'll also be inviting other Pearl friends and other healers here to share what they can to the culture of Pearls striving to keep whole and heart-healed.
I guide people through mindful and socially sensitive psychoeducational experiences as an Anthroposophical soul-psyche indications student for 20 years and as a qualified specialist in creative expressive arts therapy. As a registered clinical counselor, I frequently use these arts processes along with many integrated Anthroposophical arts indications and practices with clients in my private counselling practice.
In this coming year of 2022, Jupiter will be in Pisces and that will be a good time for much good, practical, and dedicated soul-psyche work and development. A trained therapeutic arts facilitator in your region, or an expressive arts counselor there can help you to connect with a sense of self and the expression of a deeper, innate love that is inside of everyone despite painful or challenging family circumstances.
Many people have had existential questions about meaning in life during Covid and the coming year will be a good time for feeling some meaningful, soul connection. It could also be a danger time for some who can fall into unhealthy escapist activities so I am hoping and putting out the feelers for a wide community of supporters to come together over time to offer heartfelt boosting for Pearls that might keep them away from too much in the way of dangerous other activities.
Many Pearls, we know, can toy on the dangerous side. I explain some of this in detail in "The Pearl and the Hut" books. We also know how much of a set-back, or even for some a deadly encounter, that can mean. We've lost a lot of Pearls to fentanyl overdoses and homelessness deaths for lack of the right supports coming their way at the right times. Others are doing prison time and others still are going through painful divorces themselves, sometimes more than once and some are falling into unhealthy relations with their own children.
I know there is only so much that can be done on social media, and yet, we've also seen that a great deal of good can come about here also.
Whoever you might turn to in the coming year for such help, make sure that they are allowing you the freedom to choose your own path. Honest soul-spiritual supporters are the ones that don't try to make you be like them or limit you to only their agenda or make you feel caught or overpowered. And, as Rudolf Steiner's anthroposophy indicates as essential to our times now, make sure they have a real sense of warmth in them. People who act "too cool" are not the best kind of supporters for Pearls facing parental or family alienation. Being heart-vulnerable can lead us toward such seemingly easy-going and exciting people who make it all seem so loose and fun and hands-off, yet they are often not very stabilizing supportive types when we're in our most painful or heavy moments.
Online, it's not always easy for someone offering ideas or suggestions to get an immediate understanding of the person seeking more knowledge, so I urge you to speak up for what you really know you need if you feel that someone is pushing you to do something you don't want to do. People can encourage you to try things or seek to learn things, but they should never give a sense that they are pushing you to do something that if you don't, you'll just be a failure or left out. No one should say they're helping you by controlling you to feel that you'll be made wrong or lesser if there are things you don't want to do or know. Pearl intuition is a great protector sometimes.
I'll end for now, but here, if you're interested: The image below is not from the processing that I've been doing this last two weeks, though I did get some work done on it in that time. It is painting number five from the illustrated fairytale series of paintings from "The Pearl and the Hut" book. It is in "process", meaning it is not at all finished. I hope to finish it in the next two months or so, with guidance.
I have been learning very basic skilled craft painting technique for which I am grateful - something I've always wanted to have skill and understanding around, especially in alone times in my "hut" when I need to bring the intensity of outer life down to a manageable quiet or tempo.
In this part of the adult fairytale for Pearls, the young prince and princess, a brother and a sister, who were whisked away from the palace where the battle broke out between their parents, have arrived to the safe place in the forest home. There, with the loving couple they'll stay with for a number of years, the woman offers them warmth, unconditional love and help. This is the woman bringing warmed goat's milk to the children before they go to bed. the fairytale, as all fairytales are, is from another time and some people might not want goat's milk or any milk before bed, but some do find it helpful for sleep. Others sometimes use health supplements that are based from elements of milk like "tryptophan" to help a person's system calm down before sleep.
I am not qualified to advise you to use supplements, though I worked in several health food stores over periods of time in my life and my husband was, among other things, a certified holistic, nutritional consultant and registered herbalist. As a result, I know that certain health supplements did work for us at times.
Blessings on your New Year's processes friends!
— feeling peaceful.
We left off in the last note with: A quiet place, a seed, white paper and a red crayon, a lit candle, and oil in a jar. I hope that you've been able to imagine into what this might be all about with some good, wintery wonder.
These earthen items represent a first winter bundle for sanctifying a new "hut" space. I am guiding this for now but later you will find all the meanings to bring just the right bundles that you need to fill in some inner spaces as you need to with some inwardly sustaining knowledge out of Anthroposophy.
1. The Quiet Space.
Some people can't feel quiet in any space. Don't be hard on yourself if you're one of them. We're not taught a lot about finding real quiet in the western world. It goes somewhat against a materialistic, industrial mindset in the West that values endless activity toward the creation of sellable things, with the balance of this activity expected to come from exciting sports, entertainments, and too often chatty walls of words that too often mask any real feelings or truly human values. I'm not saying that this is always the case, but it often is.
One way to find quiet for a while in a space is to close away from distractions as much as possible and get in some comfortable sitting position, and then put your thinking to your breathing. Don't judge how you're breathing, just notice that you are and how your breathing is working, without intellectualizing in some scientific explanation to yourself about it. This can happen in a different kind of meditative state. This is a quieting-the-mind kind of practice. You may notice your mind jumping all over the place at first. If you stick to the breath for several minutes, watching your discomfort pass like watching scenes of a movie go by as if you're the light coming through the frames of the scenes on the screen with nothing in you but the light, you'll slowly see your distractedness begin to settle down. Make sure that your body is warm enough.
What thoughts, feelings, needs, or actions arise for you when you practice this? Please feel welcome to offer a comment about it if you like in the Comment section below.
2. A Seed
The seed represents you in the winter. It also represents many aspects of nature in the winter. You might want to pick it up and really look at it, feeling it's hardness and noticing it's colour. Try thinking into not what is inside it in a material way, but what is inside in a dynamic living way. What is the secret in the seed that allows so much to emerge from it in the spring that can't be seen inside of it to the regular, daily looking. How does so much expand from it when it is so small, hard, contained, and seemingly insignificant?
Many seeds have fallen and become hidden in the ground or below leaves since the end of summer. Nature finished it's cycle of abundance by creating seeds to carry through the winter and provide for life in the coming spring. Right now, those seeds are transition and transformation. Some may still be somewhat hard on or in the ground. Others may have swelled somewhat with rain. Yet, they all hold new potential for the coming growing season, when the sun is in it's time of coming closer your way in the world.
Now, let's reframe this last paragraph about the seed as if we're talking about you or people in general:
Many Pearls have let summer activity fall away, have packed or hidden away certain life-envigorating interests for now, finishing a yearly cycle and looking forward to renewed endeavours in the new year. They are in a natural transition time. All of life works this way. They're enlivened forces from other seasons are not dead, they are quietly contained in some ways for now. Some of the Pearl's feelings or impressions, and of course natural human fears, may have swelled with the rains, or crystalized in the snow, feeling hardened.
Yet, you hold great and sustainable potential inside, and when the sun is a little closer in the spring you'll begin to see and realize your natural potentials more. Right now, you're having to push yourself a bit and it feels straining at times because your inner forces are more asleep in the physical realm. They are not asleep, however, in the soul-spiritual realm. Your psyche is being unconsciously envigorated. You're spiritual "I" is able to see some things in yourself as a result. You're getting previews of your amazing nature but just now it's not time to be fully in that state in a way that others in the practical world can see. But there are people who can see you, your profound human nature, and your potential. Try not to forget that. They are bringing loving sun toward you in a kind of prayerful way to remind you that you're truly not alone. We/they know that kinds of struggles you go through.
They and you know that you were also once smaller than this seed, so small in fact that you could't been seen with the eye. The very first seeds of the human embryo, from which a baby is born and from which a whole, profound human being like you developed, has only been seen through a microscope. You were once something so amazingly full of potential but also so tiny, you couldn't be seen by the human eye.
Something else though knew of all of your potential. In fact, many beings, human and otherwise, loved you into the stream of human life in the most mysterious way, one that most people still can't fully describe other than in a kind of mechanical, biological way. Yet, here you are with a warm heart that was also one of the first things to develop out of your seed while you were still being carried in the womb by the person who contracted with that great mystery to conceive and birth you. The person who mothered you into existence. That seed also couldn't have become alive without the mystery of the father who also entered into conception. Regardless of how your parents behaved later in your life, they both worked together with the greatest mystery of somewhat unknown love to have you come to this world as a tiny, secretive seed, and become the adult person that you are with all of your mind, body, and soul potential.
Again, what thoughts, feelings, needs, or actions arise in your awareness when you practice this? Please feel welcome to offer a comment about it if you like in the Comment section below.
3. White Paper (8"x11") and a Red Crayon.
Contemplating yourself as the mysterious seed-being that you were and still are, sit with your white paper and red crayon in front of you and draw a swelling seed of red in the middle of one half of the page. Let it swell to about the size of a quarter. Make sure that there is enough light in the room to see everything quite clearly, even if you have to turn on lights for a moment that were turned off for your seed meditation.
Put the crayon down after you've drawn the seed and then take a full 20 to 30 seconds to look directly at the red seed that you have drawn. (You can count to 20 or 30 if you like.)
Now, look at the blank other side of the page. Look at it directly, just the white blankness. If the red dot on the other side distracts you, you can carefully fold and tear that side of the page off so you can look just at the white page with no distractions. What do you see there after you stare at the blank page for a few seconds?
Comment down below if you like about what you saw. You should see something somewhat surprising. If you didn't see anything, try the activity again with a bit better lighting. You don't have to draw the red dot again, just start over looking at that side of the page, at the red dot for 20 or 30 seconds, then look at the blank page again.
Ask yourself what this image that you see on the white page has to do with how much the universe loves you. I will discuss that in a the next blog. Ponder it. You can take the wonder and pondering into your sleep. The next morning, try to see if something came up in your imagination or thoughts early in the morning about that image that you saw on the blank page.
4. A Lit Candle.
Now, light your candle, but first here is an imagination for you to do so. Imagine that a being from the Sun stands behind you radiating warmth and love. This being gives you forces that create life and light. The Sun truly does give us life forces and light.
The Sun does truly stay with us, even raying toward places in our back that we can't see, that are hidden from our view. In the same way, the Sun rays forces that help us to stay alive even in the dark winter and in the nights. We just don't feel and see the Sun forces with our earthly senses as fully in the winter cloudy, cold, and grey periods yet it is there. We don't see the Sun forces at night since they are on the other side of the earth, but they are there, enlivening other human beings, creatures, and plant life while we sleep. They are also reflected from the moon. So, in essence, the Sun always has our back though we're not so aware of just how much it really does, especially in the winter.
Now, light the candle with the imagination that the fire of the candle is related to the Sun being standing behind you, giving you the life energy to light the candle. Think also about the sunlight of the summer, in those times in the summer that felt enlivening and welcoming. Take one or two of those memories into your heart. Breath deeply the light of the candle as it relates to the summer sun memory, and with the imagination that a Sun being is standing behind and has helped you to bring this light to the candle.
Now, ponder, was this just an imagination?
Feel free to comment in the Comment section below if you care to. There is no expectation that you do so, as this touches some deep inner mystery nature in a person and sometimes, words can't define what we think or feel, or at least not right away.
5. The Contained Oil
Lastly, look at the oil that you have contained. It needs to be a completely clear oil, without color. We won't do anything with this now. Just wonder.
I'll speak more to this in part 3 of this blog series.
The natural state of winter, as we see it out on the frozen lakes, in the leafless trees, or on the frost-bitten grasses, as well as in the early darkness and the shortened days, can inspire a sense of wonder in many Pearls. Yet it may or may not bring a sense of self-enlivening or the strength to meet dark feelings and overcome doubts about oneself, others, or the world itself.
While some boisterous-bodied Pearls can get super-excited for a turn in the snow or a game on the ice, and some simply get busy preparing for some kind of winter light-darkness holiday celebration or another, depending on their faith or sense of winter traditions, others often slowly lose the desire to engage or launch into social impulses, wealth generating activities, or any kind of dream-building activities. With all of the challenges today of climate issues, resource restrictions in some places due to Covid and a myriad of other world problems, it can feel like a depressing time, especially when others are very busy planning family gatherings and the Pearl, once again, doesn't feel very connected to family in the ways that others do. Winter may have rarely meant loving warmth between parents, siblings, extended family members, or others. They may only want to retreat alone and find superficial, easy comfort in sleep or some substance, food or entertainment. Of course, it's rarely what they really want and only after, though the restful sleep can be very helpful, do they often realize how meaningless it felt once again. It's not their fault because there have been some big gaps in their childhood development that has led to these decompensating experiences.
A Pearl who gets anxious or into a kind of rational soul-panic in the winter may consciously or unconsciously plan for how to get some closeness with someone through the cold days without any sense of really noticing what the other person's feelings or needs might be as another, winter-vulnerable being. Much that is "sentient", or alive and feeling on the earth, goes into a kind of survival mode in the winter and the Pearl can also be in "survival personality" without really having the help to know how to do self-care in a way that brings connection well with others.
One thing that some Pearls know is that they don't want to get into some entangled emotional journey with someone that could end up as a divisive and rejecting experience similar to what they experienced too much in their parent divorce scenarios. They know they've had too much of that coldness and they're more or less hyper-tuned to a sense of self-protection. They can easily go "small" at this time of the year when many others are working to go a little bigger among family, friends, or the people they work with. These Pearls have a deep inner knowing, even unconsciously, that their inner balance is tighter and can slip into psychological decompensation if they're not careful, which means a sense of significant and even dangerous psychic or energetic depletion. They may have been in that sense of emptiness too much before.
These Pearls are not necessarily afraid, just blocked. They may not have the soulful foundational people in their family or friend circle to be unconditionally themselves with. They don't really know what it means to be seen, heard, and respected enough for their vulnerabililty to get through it creatively and resourced with the forces of loving and honoring, give-and-take between people and good, creative, willful activity that might mean enduring the right kind of human suffering for the right cause and reasons.
While some Pearls are often able to rise in such times to emboldened actions to secure a greater sense of outer or inner security through hard work despite the more bodily-restricting coldness, pushing caution aside and using a magnanimous personality to get through the cold times, others sink. They can be managing exhaustion on levels that parents, employers, and others can't see the source of rightly at all.
For all people, the inspirational and imaginative life can be dimmed in the dark days of the year, while we rigorously but almost mindlessly obey our known regimens in the day to keep our bodies moving and healthy, keeping fed decently to get our tasks done, and staying active enough to stimulate our blood and a sense of being tuned up in our strength and our thinking to endure the challenges of life right now. Many people turn more to escapist activities in these times, such as excess food and drink (which is different from increasing winter food intake naturally), turning to alcohol, drugs, weed, overly exercising, or cramming-out on on-line anything, or tv sports, movies, or entertainments.
Or some may start to turn on the caution-to-the wind, joi-de-vivre, sexual magnetism energy, imagining that the oxytocin hit of closeness with any array of persons for a while will resolve the alienating challenges of winter and if they don't, well who cares anyway! Or they unconsciously believe that the pursuit of a sexy image might draw people to them enough to excite their energy to be able to ignore the greyness of their winter's discontent. Yet, the sense of hollowness often creeps in and gives way frequently to tears, anger, or a rattly anxiety that something's not really bringing a sense of wholeness and peace to the Pearl inwardly. A Pearl in the winter can long for a steady and welcome sense of self that can endure being in the presence of everything that is not their "self", even if their time is spent more alone than some others.
This is the moment of our most important decision to not retreat on ourselves in the sense of giving in or up, but rather, to be the kindest person that we can be to our own selves and to open the door to our own sanctuary "hut". This place is the seed place of our own loving, self-accepting, humanness. A real humanness in a person sees the greatest struggles of life as the truly painful experiences that they really are, and also as the doorway to finding the expression of an authentic and loving higher "Self", or "I Am", that can be warmed into action in a whole way to achieve what needs to be done for ourselves and others. But what exactly does that mean?
Deeply human Self-ness or "I"-ness, allows us to find wells of capacity inside of ourselves that we didn't know we had because we didn't have it reflected to us in our upbringing. Parent divorce battles can mean child inner perceptions of walls, barriers, hard lines, hateful projections, restricting criticisms, and a lot of cool posturing. It's a brittle inner construction that layers upon the soul, often inflamed by suppressed angers all around. The child is far more oriented toward shattering, tinderbox emotions than wells of support, encouragement, loving connection, and deeply human acceptance. They haven't had the warm soil to grow the loving truth of themselves that reaches beyond the material world but also lives entirely in and around it.
So, as an adult in the west, whether we're oriented in the darkest times to Divali lights, Menorah candles, fireside chats and sing-alongs outdoors in deep-nature, sound-healing gatherings, or hearing the stories of the starry nights and the wealth of Magi kings, while seeing hard-plastic, white or coloured lights, grey concrete, or endless backed-up cars in rush hour with rain or snow sludge all around, the innocent, heart-longing peasant part of us may be looking to fill empty places inside. We need something well beyond Santa Claus, but rather generous to our inner soul-psyche nature, and something sanctified and true.
That's the time to think of building the inner "hut" with the eternal wisdom of our own truly human-cosmic-earthly sustenance and love that was there before human time, is here now, and will be carried inside of us for an eternity. But what does this mean and how do we do it? Where do we start?
Well, five things are essential to begin - a quiet place for half an hour to forty-five minutes, a seed, a lit candle, a red crayon or marker, a white piece of paper, and some oil in a glass or closed container. The rest is all up to individual insights.
Tomorrow, I'll elaborate.
Blossoms and beginnings...
Where I live on the west coast of Canada, the fruit tree blossoms have been billowing like pink snow across the town avenue, making the monthly run to the recycling center and dump today somewhat enjoyable. I've been to the beach with my elder father for his coffee and his daily recovery walk from breaking his hip three months ago. What I call a “clan” of eagles, six of them of varied ages, have been full of their seaside mastery; gliding, swooping, and fending off the crows that chase and scold them.
Though the wind and the whitecapped waves on the ocean today kept us from our normal spotting of the local pregnant seal and the playful otters munching sea anemones, my father and I accepted that we really go there together as a kind of peace vigil - to sit in each other’s presence, in quiet, and try to find words that give us a sense of heart and communion together.
I know that people coming to this blog, and the Pearl and the Hut books, have their unique experiences of how they are managing the sometimes challenging and painful relationships with divorced parents, or how they are helping someone else in the often divisive and distorting issues. I don't assume that your experience is the same as mine, but I hope that the Pearl books will help you to value, share, transform, and celebrate your own experiences. In the books I share parts of my own story to deeply humanize my source of empathy, acceptance, and inspiration for living the path of a "Pearl", and to welcome you to have your own voices about your experience of this kind of healing journey. There are millions of us on it now.
(If what I say from here down in the blog sounds completely new or confusing to you, please trust yourself to set it aside for now or to consult a therapist or psychotherapeutically informed support person. I'll explain more in future blogs. Not everyone has looked into their feelings and potential struggles around their parent divorce as much as others have, and there's no right or wrong about that here. You've been doing what you needed to do before you decided to look into this website and The Pearl and the Hut books. Some of the ideas and terms that I use below may be completely foreign to you and nothing's wrong with you if you feel the need to check out from this part for now.)
I was reluctant at first, prior to writing these books, to enter into any kind of discussion, work, or task that reminded me of child of divorce themes. Many of us have been told that it can sometimes retrigger neurological challenges and emotional pain around traumas and upsets that we've been working to overcome. At times, we've been advised by some psychotherapeutic experts to avoid going over the story. and yes it is appropriate to let it all go to sleep for periods of time in our consciousness. We truly need to create "hut" space to become free of the cycling of painful memories and anxious thoughts. Yet, many of us know that the issues regularly come up anyway because the problems are systemic in our families.
Therapeutic practices that help us distract or calm our thoughts about our lost expectations, reframe our sense of aloneness at times, change beliefs the bring low self-worth, and bring mindful and even inspirational insights to manage anxieties and see our important inner gifts, have their positive effects and also their limitations for harmonizing some of our truest practical issues. We can't necessarily get away from the psychic triggers even though they often lead to some level of suffering and renewed pain. We can't always afford the therapist costs for an experience of more relationally wholesome connection and to take up practices that sometimes only offer simplistic and temporary relief, as important as that help can be. So we can get locked in any number of states of resistance to growing through our child of divorce experience, or we simply dissociate.
My own resistance to facing the issues again came when my deeply supportive husband died and, in grief and mourning, I had no truly understanding family to turn to in my sense of loss and abandonment. I needed to experience the right kind of important comfort, empathy and healing support that is a natural need when a person loses a loved one to death and which can be a unique experience for an child or adult child of divorce. I realized that the only truly dependable "family" that I had was myself and the community of other adult children of divorce that had been my soul siblings in life, as well as the soul-spirit community of people who had also become my surrogate family over a long time.
In the spiritual glow that has happened frequently for me after the death of someone important in my life, I realized that I needed to honor that surrogate, soul-spirit family by writing two books on the life-long concerns that relate to many children and grown children of divorce. At the start, the challenges seemed too big and too gnarly and I much preferred to just do my best to make light of it all and try to find some basic ease and peace away from it. I wanted to bypass. Why go back in when I knew that going over the story could just be a source of suffering if I wasn't careful?
Well, my decision had to do with righting, with very different and full kinds of humanitarian insights, the damaging misunderstandings that parent relationship break-ups and their stigmas continue to create for children of divorce. Through the light of Rudolf Steiner's theories and practices which have truly opened endless potentials for me for restoring and managing important missing pieces inside, I sought to help bring these insights and tasks to other Pearls to allow them to trust themselves and their own hearts again first and foremost. I also felt the need to bring the significant stories of other very real and deeply human children and adult children of divorce who had experienced similar supports.
So, after much healing and growth, and more challenges and new world-trauma events to manage, I set out to make this path of the child of divorce worth all of the life forces and work demanded of me and others over several decades. I took a kind of Buddhist approach and went further - not just to feel the fear and do it anyway but to not deny or avoid the suffering and know that it would free me and others in unknown ways one day. I felt called to share, support, and enliven some highly relevant perspectives, creativity and heart-strengthening practices that I and so many other Pearls worldwide were finding strength from.
This website, at www.anthropearl.com, is a place to learn about ways for yourself, or the people you're caring for, to do just that. Here I'll be posting events, excerpts from the books, and insights from Rudolf Steiner's work as they relate to the daily lives of Pearls. I'll also introduce other Pearls to you who've meant so much to this kind of anthroposophical journey for children of divorce. I'll share helpful links too and explain more about how to share some of your creative expressive projects around the work here, if you care to. I’ll also post what other Anthroposophical practitioners are offering to give you different perspectives and introduce people of other soul natures to experience what Dr. Steiner offered for coming into diverse heart-wholeness. Not everyone can learn the most from me and my soul type, but they can learn from a garden of different but connected souls. And finally, I'll offer ways for you to get in touch with me and to also receive on-going newsletter updates about the Pearl work.
I imagine welcoming readers of The Pearl and the Hut to this blog space as if we were coming in for some warm drink or soup together. A savory spring pot of nettles, overwintered leeks, year-round parsley, olive oil, butter, and Cashew milk would be what I would bring this early evening. I wonder what warm nourishment you would love to sit down to, with several Pearls, if you felt safe and valued enough to do so. How would it reflect your safe and authentic “hut” experience? What would be the cultural flavor? What would the sitting down look like and where? A table and chairs, couches, floor cushions, a campout at a park or beach, or a group of vehicles circled together with us distanced in our hatchbacks but connecting? (I don’t actually have a hatchback, but my imagination goes far in virus lockdown "weather".) What pearls of wisdom would your soul have to share with the rest of us?
Though The Pearl and the Hut books come with some authority from a great philosopher and spiritual-scientific master who gave profound insights for our times, I myself am still a learner and working on lifelong healing and development. I hope to join you in the kind of sisterhood-brotherhood that I've spoken of in the books. I know that an unstructured, virtual gathering through an on-line blog could leave some people nervous, and this blog “gathering” space can’t offer formal counseling. I’ll work to keep most blogs as much as possible to specific Anthroposophical practices and rhythms featured in the books. I'll also be holding people in my meditations and prayers who may be in deep pain or suffering while reading here and striving to find the healing and connection that they most need.
This Pearl and the Hut blog space is dedicated to helping Pearls to find their way to and through the books, to find help, and to hopefully make their passages smoother in navigating the sometimes stormy fjords of divided family life to the life-renewing, full etheric heart.
Sincerely striving for you the best that I can,